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If You Want Better Relationships, Read on!

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By mohamed_hassan from Pixabay”;

I wrote this piece several years ago. It is one of the essays in my book Vantagepoints on Learning and Life, and I share it today for three reasons:•    I am on vacation, so I am trying to not work while on vacation.•    I am in Michigan where I grew up (and where the story takes place).•    I believe the message of the story and the metaphor shared is extremely valuable.Taste the sweetness of the ideas as you pick some blueberries . . .My mother emailed me about an experience she had last week that reminded me of some of my experiences growing up, and I hope you can relate as well. I`ll let her tell you the first part of the story…”It was a beautiful, early September day in Michigan. The temperature was balmy with a nice breeze. It is days like these that remind me why I love living here so much. My husband, John, and I drove to a “u-pick” blueberry patch a short distance from our home. We were told to pick from any bush and we quickly noticed that the berries were plentiful. It didn’t take long however to notice something very interesting. While there were plenty of berries on the outsides of the bushes, if you looked inside, the berries were bigger, even more bountiful and virtually untouched.”After recounting this story to me, Mom went on to say, “It occurred to me that it is the same with our relationships with others. How many times do we just look on the outside, or on the surface, and not really work at our relationships to know the `inner self` of others?”Mom is right (of course, Mom`s are always right, aren`t they?). It`s a powerful lesson.We fall in love with the berries on the bush`s exterior, but when we look inside we find “the inner beauty” of even better berries. So it is in our lives. When we focus only on the exterior or superficial, we miss the depth of others. It is only in that depth that we will truly know them, and ultimately, appreciate them.If Mom had followed the lead of the other pickers in the row, and hadn`t looked to the interior, she would have been disappointed by her harvest, and wouldn’t have had as many berries to enjoy. Regardless of how many berries could be found outside, Mom and John picked the whole bush.My mother, in reference to a running joke about her height, mentioned that she had to pick inside the bush, because she couldn`t reach all of them on the outsides of the bushes. I know better. I know she picked inside for two reasons: she knew from experience there would be good berries there, and, two, she did it because as a good gardener, she knows that all the fruit needs to be harvested to help the plant thrive.Reminds me that it is always important to follow and use our experience. When we have experience at something, it is important to use it! There is lesson for all of us in Mom’s second reason for picking the whole bush, inside and out. She values the plant itself and wants it to thrive. We know that when we get to know people at deeper levels they thrive (and so do we!). We all need attention and care and love, and without the proper care and environment, just like the berry bush, we won’t thrive.Just like Mom in the blueberry patch, our lives are “U-Pick”. You decide what kind of relationships you want to build. You decide how deep you want to look when trying to understand and relate to others. When we pick the right patches, we will find lots of great fruit, but the sweetest fruit will always be found when we look a little deeper. It takes a bit more effort and time, but you will be well-rewarded.Think about the lessons of the blueberry patch the next time you are building a relationship, whether with your long-lost cousin, new neighbor or the new colleague down the hall. “U-Pick” your approach, just remember that your choice determines the relationship you harvest.Potential Pointer:If you want better relationships at work or at home, get past the externals. Be even more interested in the other person, and take the risk to ask about more than their work and the weather. When we get past the surface we will reap a harvest of wonderful relationships.Source: Free Articles from

Kevin Eikenberry is a leadership expert and the Chief Potential Officer of The Kevin Eikenberry Group (, a learning consulting company that helps Clients reach their potential through a variety of speaking, consulting and training services. He also is the best-selling author of VantagePoints on Learning and Life ( – a book that helps you learn from every day life situations like U-Pick.


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